


Exiled

by Pinky_GOOLI002



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe, Animal Death, Animal Traits, Blood and Violence, Dominance, Grooming, Groping, Gross, Hunters & Hunting, Magic Revealed, Mental Coercion, Mental Link, Mind Control, Mind Meld, Multi, My First AO3 Post, POV Multiple, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Sex, Sexual Violence, Violence, first draft, gruesome, not edited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:15:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinky_GOOLI002/pseuds/Pinky_GOOLI002
Summary: You were exiled to wander the arctic on your own to die. Except you met an unexpected friend; a wolf-bear creature as intelligent as any teen. Will you lose yourself in the wilderness?(Basically, I just started have no clue where this is gonna go)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty gruesome at points, and fucked up in others, so beware.

It was cold. It was always cold in winter. You looked up at the moon and wrapped yourself tighter in your leather garb. The sun had just set, and it will be over twelve hours before it will rise again, then it will only be in the sky for a couple hours, low on the horizon, before it will disappear again. This is what winter here was like, and you would have to get used to it wether you liked it or not.

You sighed, and stirred the soup cooking over the fire. You had nowhere else to go. This is what being an exile meant.

Behind you, your tent barely coped with the wind, flapping this way and that, even though you put all the extra ropes you could.

When you looked back up, you saw a pair of shining eyes in the darkness, and in panic, you reached out with your mind, your soul, to touch the mind of this creature. You managed to do it just lightly enough to still be able to see with your own eyes. Feeling the body of this creature as if it was your own, you realised it was a wolf, except it was like no wolf you have tapped before.

This creature was much, much larger, and much smarter. You could hear its thoughts; they didn’t sound human, it didn’t have a language, but it was so, so close. Nothing like the instinct driven nature of beasts. No, this was no beast, but it was clear they were still planning to eat you.

“Please, I won’t harm you… do you want some food?” You said hesitantly, trying to pass the message into its mind, with your own soul against theirs, hoping the meaning will translate. But also by keeping this grip it meant that if they tried to lunge at you, you could take control of their body and stop them.

But it seemed the message did translate, and the intention of the creature changed. It was confused, curious, as to how you were communicating, and it stepped closer to the fire until you could see it in its full glory.

Indeed, it was a wolf, but it was almost a meter and a half tall. Its fur was white as snow, long and thick, and its paws were so large they gave a heavy balance to the creature. It was like a wolf half a step in evolution to become a bear.

You took one of the legs of the bird you put in the soup out with your fork, and threw it over the fire to the wolf.

It looked at the meat, then back at you, its ears moving this way and that.

“Have it, so don’t eat me,” you said out loud and in the wolf’s mind simultaneously, and the wolf in return snarled, baring its teeth, as if… in laughter? mocking? That was what you could gather from its thoughts.

Sure that the creature won’t attack you for now, you got back to your meal, taking a bowl out and eating slowly, gently, in front of the wolf, in a way trying not to scare it. Then, it ate the meat you gave it, sitting down next to the fire, and it seemed that a truce emerged.

When you put out your fire and went into your tent, the wolf stayed laying down outside, studying you, waiting for you. Even though you were worried it will attack, you let yourself fall asleep.

When you woke up the next morning — though it was still very dark — you found with a quick sense of your soul, that the wolf was still there, waiting, but not in malice, in curiosity, excitement. And when you stepped out of the tent it lifted its head and wagged its tail, and in its own way, asked you “what now?”

Unsure how to answer, you decided not to react at all, instead, you went about your day as usual, packing up your tent and setting up for the day’s walk. Throughout, the wolf watched, still lying down. Then when you set out, it swiftly got up and started to follow you.

You were weary, and had to keep a part of your soul constantly in its mind, ready for it to pounce on your back… but it never did. So at lunch time, you gave it some of your food, and after sniffing the salted meat, it happily ate it.

“Right, so if you are intending to follow me, I should give you a name to call you by,” you said, straight to its mind, not bothering to speak out loud anymore. It seemed confused by this as well, but it had an answer quicker than you expected.

“Zeev”

Impressed with its understanding, you asked whether they were male or female, but their answer was unclear.

“Neither, both, time changes.”

“So are you the only one of your kind?” You asked. Then even though you communicated by reading its thoughts, you could not get an answer for this. As if they managed to avoid making a narrative in their mind on purpose. They just refused to answer.

You smiled, fascinated, and for the first time you reached out a hand.

“I am Ekene Német. Will you be my friend?”

Zeev sniffed your hand, then licked their nose before saying yes and giving you permission to pet them.

When your fingers touched their fur, you were surprised by how it was simultaneously abrasive and soft.

For a second, you forgot to keep exact control of where you soul was, and you found yourself completely in Zeev’s body. You could feel their breath, the strength of their muscles, the way they felt the cold. They were the most powerful thing you ever tapped, and when you forced yourself back into your own body you gasped. How did this impressive creature let you be this close? Why were they being this friendly?

You were too scared to ask.

That night you did the same, giving Zeev a little of your food, and they slept outside as you slept in your tent. You were still keeping a tab on them as much as you can, just in case they would change their mind and attack you. But again you woke up unharmed.

The next day, you knew you had to hunt, especially if you were planning to continue feeding Zeev.

“I need to hunt when there is daylight, I have run out of my meat.” You said, soul-to-soul, but also aloud. You found that it was calming to say it out loud as well as mentally, you feared you might loose your voice if you stopped speaking all together. Though due to the cold, your whole face was covered most of the time except for your eyes, so the only noise that came out of your mask was muffled mumbles.

They understood your plan, and they followed you quietly and silently, watching as you tried to ignore them, walking with your bow ready. The trees were sparse here, but eventually you managed to spot a caribou picking up the last leaves off a tree.

Holding your breath, you took aim at the same time as you reached your soul out and tapped the caribou. You took control of its body, holding it completely still, as you fired your arrow.

The caribou noticed what was happening, and it struggled against you, but it was futile, your mental strength was far superior, especially since you were a SoulTapper, and a strong one at that.

The arrow hit the caribou in the chest, not a critical hit, but it fell down, and there you forced it to lie there as you physically made your way over, putting your bow away and taking out your knife. You tired to kill it as quickly as possible, after all you could feel its pain as clearly as if it was yours.

Once it was dead there was no place for your soul to inhabit, and you were all inside your body again. Only then did you remember about Zeev, and you looked up to see it watching you from a distance, half concealed, and its posture was not so friendly anymore.

Even though tapping the caribou and feeling it died drained you, you forced yourself to reach out to Zeev, just enough to be able to read their thoughts and intentions, rather than trying to inhabit their body.

They were ready to attack, but only because they were scared and confused. It was clear to them that something was wrong in the way the caribou died, that it was not simply the arrow that killed it. You saw yourself through their eyes; with your bright red eyes and strange marks around your eyes. Unnatural, dangerous.

“Yes, I can do magic.” You told them, deciding to be frank rather than lie, “it is how we can communicate. I can put my soul in other live beings, it is called soul-tapping, so I can touch my soul to yours when I put my soul in your body, and that’s how we can speak even without language.” You weren’t sure if this was too complex for Zeev to understand, but you thought this was as good a time as any to explain. “But I won’t hurt you, so long as you don’t hurt me. Friends, right?”

Still kneeling over the dead caribou, you reached your hand out like you did the day before. You tried, as gently as you could, to tell Zeev that you were friendly. You weren’t really sure why you were trying so hard, after all you could probably kill them without getting injured, but… you didn’t want to… you were fascinated and awed by them, and you just, well, liked them.

Eventually, they decided you were trustworthy, and cautiously walked up and pushed their nose against your hand, letting you stroke their head before walking away.

You decided to let them be, and concentrated on the caribou, since daylight was so precious. It was still warm enough to work without your gloves as you quickly skinned the caribou, gutted it, and cut it into portions you could easily pack. In the end you had four bundles of raw meat that you attached to your bag. This would last you for a week or two if you were rationing, but if you still had to feed Zeev…

As if to answer your question, when they appeared back that evening at your tent, the fur on their chest was dirty with blood, and from their mind you clearly gleaned that they hunted and fed themselves properly, having ate a whole caribou alone. It also let you know that the amount you have given them was merely treats for them.

Well, they still seemed to like it at least.


	2. Winter

Over the next several weeks, as you were travelling still north, trying to reach the tundra, where you can start hunting seals through winter, you got used to having Zeev around. You were half tapping them so often it became a habit, and you got used to their thoughts enough that you could have conversations with them. You learnt how to read not only their thoughts, but their movements and vocal signals as well, as they slowly learnt how to understand some of your language. You didn’t need to tapp for each of you to understand things like, ‘come over here’, ’danger’, or ‘food’. 

Zeev’s intellect didn’t disappoint you either, yes they were an animal still, but you found a friend you could still converse with. Though their thoughts had often less form than yours, meaning their sentences were often broken, short and simple.

“The long night is coming, why are you travelling north? Why travel away from prey?” Zeev asked you one day, as you finished packing your tent and set off.

You retreated from their mind for a second, trying to hide your shame until you could compose yourself, then you tapped them again and answered “I came from far south, but I was exiled from my village, told to go north to die. If I stay around here or go back south I might meet some of my people again, and they will have to kill me.”

“Why? Did you disrespect the alpha?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you completely broke off, putting your whole soul in your body once again. Zeev was walking in front of you, and when you did that they stopped and looked at you, cocking their heads and barking, as if demanding an answer. But you ignored them and continued walking. ‘if they want to leave, they can’ you thought, anger filling your gut.

But Zeev was right, the endless twilight was approaching fast. You only reached the tundra a couple of days ago, where there was scarcely anything around, so you had to reach the shore, or at least some sea ice, so you could hunt some seals through the winter. If you couldn’t get seals, you would starve or freeze to death, whichever came first. Usually this journey was done much quicker using sleds, or at least that’s what you were told… The situation was only made worse by the fact that you never actually been this far north, and you had never hunted seal or fished on ice. You knew how to hunt with a bow and arrow, and you had made a spear once, but never were you this out of your depths.

This is precisely why you were sent here. Into the white nothingness, where you had to avoid strangers who would probably kill you on sight only because you were a Disysciane, or simply because you were obviously an exile.

As a result of your negative rumination you glanced backwards to check for enemies, but all you could see behind you on the white planes was Zeev, and when they saw you gawk at them, they responded with a reassuring chirp.

In luck, you managed to reach the shore before your food ran out. By then your tent was barely enough to keep the cold out. One night you were so frozen you were audibly shaking, until Zeev whined at the entrance, “let me in, less cold together.” Once they stepped inside, they practically filled the whole space, and you barely managed to close the entrance behind them. As you settled down, Zeev was practically lying on top of you. But they were right, it was much warmer this way, and you slept soundly for the first time since you left your home. Zeev’s heartbeat and breathing calmed you, and their mind as they slept was full of pleasant dreams of nothingness. From that night you started to Tapp Zeev even in your sleep, as the act of tapping them became no effort at all.

The next day you spent building a snow-house, like the ones you built that one harsh winter, when your normal tents were not enough to insulate anymore. It was messy, and you did not have the right tools, so it took much, much longer than it should have, but in the end you managed to dig a hole, and balance a dome above it. It was slightly larger than your tent, and you built a fire at the centre and made sure that there was enough space for Zeev inside, as well as for all your things. This was a temporary home, as you knew you would probably still have to travel several days in order to find any seals. However the next morning, as you were scanning your surroundings, you were surprised to find a breathing hole not far away. You would never have spotted it if Zeev hadn’t pointed it out to you. You were constantly tapping them, just a little, exactly for situations like that.

You waited at that breathing hole for quite a long time, holding your makeshift harpoon at the ready. Your arms were aching, and your feet were cold, but at last you saw something stir the water. You reached out with your soul, and indeed felt a seal coming up to breath from under the ice. When the seal reached the surface of the water, and you saw yourself through its eyes, you suddenly took hold of its body, making it push itself further onto the ice as you pushed down the harpoon straight into its skull.

You were concentrating so hard on getting it right, you didn’t realise how far you were tapping it as it started to die. It was like a black hole, created where the soul of the seal was no longer, and trying to swallow you in with it.

You gasped, reaching out to anything, mentally trying to find something to pull you back. Physically you were frozen, meditated, as your whole soul left your body, and holding on was getting harder and harder.

Then something grabbed back; Zeev was howling, you could hear it from their own ears. A part of your soul was still in their body, and it was stopping you from disappearing. They whined your name, and you managed to follow your own path back out of the dead seal, and into Zeev.

It was the first time you let yourself completely Tapp them, not because it left your body completely vulnerable — that was not a concern with Zeev anymore —, but because when you completely Tapp something, you automatically push their soul to the side and take control of their body; there was no room for two whole souls in one body, not even one as big and powerful as Zeev’s.

So then, you _were_ Zeev, for just a moment, there was no boundary between you and the wolf. There was no difference.

I smelt the fresh frozen air as it stung at my nose, I smelt the blood of the seal as it soaked onto the ice, I felt the wind in my fur and the snow underneath my paws. I was very, very hungry, and the seal was good food, I was excited. Then I looked at Ekene, and my friend was not _there._ The red eyes were empty. I could smell the scent of the soul magic strong, stronger than ever before… I-

You suddenly snapped back into yourself, enough to gasp and blink and see Zeev right in front of your face, sniffing, worried. This had never happened to you before. You would have to be more careful from now when using your ability for hunting.

“What happened? You were not here.” Zeev asked in their mind, and you were shocked to find you were still tapping them, or were you maintaining a mental link somehow else? No, it wasn’t possible, you must be very slightly tapping them.

“I’m… I’m not sure. I think you saved my life…” you shook your head. You have never completely left your body before, not like that…

“You seem worried, but you’re back now, no worry,” Zeev made a sort of whine-howl, turning their head to the seal, “we have food!”

Their excitement was infectious, and you found yourself smiling.

The long endless winter night had started, but you had managed to finish making a new pair of boots out of the seal and caribou skins you treated just in time. Now you were working with the bones and leftovers to repair the rest of your clothing, and some of your weapons.

“How long are we going to stay here?” Zeev was lying on their back at the other side of the fire inside the igloo, obviously bored.

“Just a day or so, unless we can fish again here, then there’s no point to move.” You didn’t have to look up, you knew exactly what they were doing, a tiny portion of your mind seeing the room from their eyes. You were getting used to stretching your soul like this, it was like having a very wide peripheral vision.

In fact, you were noticing you were using their senses as well, hearing and smelling, but the way that they used their sense of smell made you learn how to use your nose better as well. You could recognise Zeev’s smell now, even when they were several meters away.

Zeev made some sort of growl-whine, “I can’t stay inside long, there’s nothing to do! And I need to hunt soon, can’t keep eating your nice cooked seal.”

“Well go then, I need to finish this and get dressed before I can go outside, remember I don’t have fur like you.” You were feeling cooped up too, and well, homesick.

Zeev noticed your tone, and they cocked their head once they rolled and sat upright again.

“What? Do you wish to run too?”

You sighed, shaking your head, “no… I… I just miss my friends, my family. But I will never get to see them again, so there is no point thinking about it.”

“Why? If they were dead, would you stop thinking about them?”

Their question caught you off guard, and you pricked yourself with the bone-needle, and had to stop sowing for a moment, holding your finger in your mouth as you spoke without your voice.

“No, I guess you’re right… but it just… hurts too much, because they probably would prefer it if I was dead.”

“What happened? You never tell.” Zeev stood up and made their way carefully around the fire to you. There wasn’t really room, but they managed to squeeze just enough to put their nose against your cheek.

You paused in your work, looking down at your hands. Should you tell them? Well, what’s the harm… you’ve gone this far together already.

“I can show you, in my memories, if you want…” you offered, turning in your seat to get more comfortable.

They agreed, and you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, Tapping Zeev further, concentrating on those memories and sending the pictures to them.

_Mia was crying at the entrance to your tent, her clothes were torn in places, and she was shaking. You could see some bruises here and there, and the rage was already growing inside you._

_“What happened?” You kneeled next to her, trying to see the damage, trying to get a context for this._

_“Bron… I… we were just having fun…” she was mumbling so hard through her tears, it was hard to follow what she was saying._

_Bron? He was just a year older than her, they were always hanging out, flirting… he seemed like a good match… or so mother had said… what has he done now?_

_“Then he started to take my shirt off… and I… I wanted to leave…” Mia choked, gasping-crying, and you hugged her close, trying to calm her down, the image of what had happened already forming in your brain as heat raised in your cheeks. “I tried to get him off… I tried…” she kept crying._

_“I’m sure you did… it’s alright… I’ll go talk to him.”_

_“No! Ekene don’t! He’s drunk! he’ll… he’ll hurt you too!”_

_“Don’t worry about me. Let’s just get you to bed.”_

_You gently helped her undress, and put her nightdress on, then you tucked her into your own bed, so no one would look for her here._

_She was asleep quickly, and the second you were sure her breathing was steady, you left, marching across camp to Bron’s tent at the edge._

_He was lying inside, snoring, drunk, half dressed, so you kicked him awake, and when he was conscious you could see his fist rising towards you in instinct, so you did the only thing you were ever good at._

_You slammed your soul into his body, possessing him completely. He tried to resist, but he was drunk, and overwhelmingly weak compared to you. You forced him to stay still as you sat yourself down calmly, then let your eyes close so you can do this properly. Then you were rummaging in his memories, wanting to verify what Mia had told you. It only seemed worse through his eyes._

_“What are you doing?! This is invasion! This is heresy!” He was screaming in his head, but you made sure he made no sound physically._

_“You lost the right to privacy.” Anger was rising quick, anger so profound you didn’t think about the consequences. All you knew is that he did not deserve to breath._

_Forcefully, you rammed your soul against his, finding the weak spots, and tearing at them, tearing so hard that the wounds manifested physically, as wide gashes in his flesh, randomly all over his body. But you didn’t stop, even though you could feel his pain. You only kept going harder, relishing in his demise until you tore his soul to ribbons, until there was nothing left holding him together and his soul just… evaporated. Then there was nothing for you to Tapp anymore, and you sank into your own body._

_When you opened your eyes and saw the bloody shaking mess, still breathing, on the floor, was the first instance you understood what you’ve done. He-no, It, was staring at you with empty eyes, with nothing behind them but flesh, no consciousness whatsoever. You stared, horrified, as it slowly died from blood loss, or simply the lack of a soul._

You stopped, retreating back into your own body as much as you could while still maintaining contact for them to say things. You haven’t revisited that memory since it happened, and seeing it again, it… it was the lack of guilt or remorse that scared you. You felt shame because that was what you were expected to feel… but you did not feel sorry. He deserved to die, and you never felt bad for using your powers, no matter how much you were told to growing up.

“Then, I was trialed, and because Mia stood up for me, they finally decided to exile me here to die…” you finished the story out loud for Zeev, through they had already figured it out for themselves.

To your surprise, they were… understanding. They were scared, a little, finally getting an understanding of your powers, but they didn’t hold you in bad measure for killing Bron.

“Is that all you can do?” They asked finally.

“That’s… that’s the worst of it.” You nodded, looking at them carefully, scared they will no longer trust you. But they did, because you have not hurt them. In fact they seemed more in awe than anything.

This wall that you have kept up between you was finally gone, and from then, you and Zeev only got closer. You no longer kept much from them, so Tapping them and communicating with them was much more fluid and natural from that moment on.

One day, almost two months into winter, you stumbled upon a polar bear, sleeping in its den.

“It is a hunter, not a prey” Zeev said, urging you to move on and leave it behind, but you were so tired of seal, and you were cold… some proper fur would be so nice.

“I’ll make it painless.” You promised Zeev, as you gently Tapped the sleeping bear, making sure it did not hear you as you crawled into its den, knife in hand, and stabbed it right in the heart. You made sure it never woke up, as its blood stopped flowing, you let it go as it fell gently into death.

Zeev still was not happy with this, but as you ate later that day, they stopped complaining. You were both loosing weight quickly in the cold and dark.

From that day, you walked around dressed in white just like Zeev, a matching pair.

It became more than a habit to Tapp them, it became necessary. You started to rely on their senses, on their company. The sense of their soul was so familiar, that one day they seemed to reach out their thoughts to you, before you even established a proper contact in the morning, as if they could walk on the bridge you built. It was so unshakable, it grounded you, stopped you going insane on your own.

You didn’t notice how they stopped walking away, how the radius which felt comfortable to stray grew smaller and smaller. You thought they didn’t leave because they liked your company, but as the winter faded, and you started to go south again to avoid the water, you realised that there was _never_ a moment you were not connected. If Zeev walked too far, you could both feel a strain, as your soul was stretched between two bodies, until it became a habit to avoid that ache, and to simply stay close enough to never encounter it. And as time passed, and more and more of your soul built a home with Zeev, that radius grew smaller. It was so gradual, however, so natural to you, that you never noticed it happening until it was too late.


	3. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that I used singular they/them, even after they fuse.

You were making camp after another successful hunt in the forest, calm and happy, as Zeev was off a little way, catching some prey of their own. You didn’t even keep tabs, you just _knew_ where they were and what they were doing, but suddenly they pulled on the chord between you, drawing your attention.

“A human, nearby.” They said, as they sniffed the air once more, trying to listen around. Panic washed over you, and for a second you froze. You weren’t supposed to get close to anyone, have you gone too far south? Too far west?

But Zeev’s focus and intention pulled you out before you sank into terror, and you used your soul to scan around, trying to sense anyone. To your surprise, you sensed a young man not far away, aiming their crossbow at Zeev.

“shit!” You cursed under your breath and rushed to your feet, withdrawing your soul away from the man. You could not risk him sensing you have Tapped him. You ran towards them, and without thinking much, you just shouted, “Don’t shoot!”

The man jump, surprised by your sudden presence, and turned around to face you, almost shooting you, but moving at the last second to shoot their arrow up. It made a loud thunk as it dug into a nearby tree, almost as loud as your heartbeat as you stood there, realising how close you just were to death.

“What the fuck?! Where did you jump from?!” The man said, looking around, angry.

“I’m sorry! I just… I made camp nearby…” you were breathless from running and fear.

“Well don’t just jump at someone if they’re aiming, that’s a death wish!” This reminded him that he was aiming at something, and he looked again to where Zeev was a second ago, except they were no longer there. Smartly, they made sure to hide, going around in a circle to be behind the hunter. It was still cold enough that there was snow almost everywhere, and Zeev had not too much trouble hiding.

“Sorry, I did say don’t shoot.” You stabilised your breath, then reached a hand out, “I’m Ekene, what’s your name?” Maybe if you were friendly enough you could avoid a confrontation and simply leave this behind.

“I’m Don.” He shook your hand, nodding, “you’re far from home, I don’t recognise you.”

“Just travelling, wanted to see what the world has to offer” you lied, shrugging, trying to maintain your composure.

Don didn’t buy the lie, and frowned in suspicion, looking back around, trying to see Zeev.

“Well you should be careful around here, there’s a mighty wolf around.”

“Really?” You tried to sound surprised, again failing at it. Don slowly moved his free hand to his knife on his belt, and you realised you left all your weapons in your camp.

“Why did you run at me? huh?” Don took a step closer, making you take a step back. He was strong, young and athletic, there was no way you could win against him in a fight. Especially since you had no weapons and he did.

Zeev, sensing your fear, stepped out behind Don, growling deeply.

Don jumped, turning, stepping away in such a way that he didn’t have his back to either of you. His knife was out, and he was pointing it back and forth between you and Zeev.

“What the…” he paused, then he actually tried to Tapp you. He slammed into you, so crude and un-refined, obviously not practiced, and it was easy enough to shut him out and not let him read you, or control your body, though it did require concentration, and you tried to be careful not to hurt him.

He grunted in frustration, and so he aimed his efforts on Zeev instead.

It was strange, feeling Don within Zeev, almost like being Tapped yourself, except your ability to deflect was much worse, and since you weren’t expecting it, Don had managed to get a hold before you could stop him.

His pupils dilated, and he stared at Zeev, then slowly moved to look at you. He could sense you in Zeev, you could feel him as he traced the connection between both of your souls, and as he moved his eyes he could practically see it.

He withdrew back some more, as he withdrew his soul, his stance defensive.

“You’re… you’re connected,” he mumbled, as if he’d seen a ghost.

“I Tapp them, that’s what you mean. some of my soul is in them, like what you just did,” you said, trying to calm them, taking a step forwards with your palms facing down, like you would treat a scared rabbit.

“No… You’re wrong… you’re a monster… you soul, it doesn’t end within you… you have leeched onto this animal, making them a part of you…” he was still walking backwards, knife raised towards you. Their words made you freeze, could they be true?

“You’re a monster…” they said again, then he turned tail and sprinted away. Zeev turned to chase them, but you stopped them overwhelming their body. In a daze you walked back to camp, pulling Zeev helplessly behind you. You couldn’t hear their screams, shouting at you to stop, to explain yourself. All you could hear is that word, _monster,_ echo again and again in your head. You instinctively sat in your tent, Zeev next to you. You tried to completely retreat from them, to stop tapping them, and found that you could not.

This Don was right… this was beyond normal, beyond natural.

You tried to sever the connection between you and Zeev, like you would rip any soul apart: but it hurt so much you couldn’t even put a dent in it before writhing in pain next to them, as they were howling in pain too.

“What are you doing?!” They cried.

“I have done something, somehow, look, our souls, they… they’re connected, this is why it hurts now to be far apart physically… it’s an abomination.”

You tried to pull your soul away from them, rather than cutting it, just pulling as hard as you could, hoping it will fall apart by itself. But rather than tearing your souls apart, it seems that by pulling further into yourself, all you did was pull Zeev along into your body. Like a flood they filled you up, until most of their soul was in you rather than in themselves, and the connection to their own body was weakening every second.

This wasn’t the same as when you completely tapped Zeev, because their soul wasn’t made for this, it couldn’t share space like you. They gasped with your throat, blinking, seeing themselves through your eyes.

“So this is what you feel like…” they thought, the feeling so powerful it almost consumed you, and this time you couldn’t get out… and neither could they. You were both out of control.

You could see it happening, as the walls between you were evaporating, every second more and more of your souls were merging, fusing. The difference between you was disappearing.

You managed to get enough control to move your limbs to hug Zeev’s unconscious body tight, hoping that by being physically close maybe they could leave you and go back into themselves.

But when you tried to push their soul, all you did was sink into them faster. It felt like you were both drowning, melting into a single pool that was not exactly either of you or both of you… The change inside was so overwhelming, you barely noticed as your body was loosing form, as both the human and the wolf became nothing but pale blue light, and like their souls they seemed to sink into each other, becoming one pool of light rather than two distinct ones.

It was something new, _someone_ new.

Slowly, the swirls of colours mixed together, like mixing a dye into water, as the two souls seemed to find a new balance as one new tone, and a new body, like nothing else that has ever existed, came into being. As the light dimmed, they slowly became solid, and then suddenly, drew their first breath.

They were shaking, having undergone a change they could never fully describe, but that resembled drowning and coming up for air simultaneously. Their thoughts were erratic, frantic, as they were slowly getting used to existing.

Physically, they seemed mostly human now, almost like Ekene, but their hair, which used to be black, was stark white now. Their ears were sharper, with white fur around the edge. The nails were more like talons, but the hands were just as dexterous as before.

They still had bright red SoulTapper eyes, but the marking around their eyes were no longer swirls and dots flowing calmly. Now the dark tattoos were like wings coming out of their eyes towards their ears, and there were several gently curved lines down towards their cheek, almost reaching their jaw, where they ended almost looking sharp. They wouldn’t find this out for a while, but those marking would never again grow like they do on other SoulTappers, because this was the last Tapping they would ever do. Their soul would never again leave this body. 

They sat up, their breath still shaking, and looked down at their hands.

Suddenly things came into focus, and their breath steadied.

_I am me._ They thought, touching their face, finding the sensation different from what they expected. Their senses seemed so sharp. Sharper than Ekene’s or Zeev’s: The perfect combination of both. They were still a female, overall they seemed to be very similar to Ekene, but the idea of being a woman no longer fit. They weren’t human anymore. In fact, the longer they thought of their body, they realised they were freezing. It was early spring after all, still very cold, and dangerous to be naked for long.

Out of habit, they picked up Ekene’s clothes from the floor, finding they were unharmed, but when they tried to wear them nothing fit right; Ekene was shorter, and had much curvier dimensions than this body, so her old clothes were both baggy and tight at the same time. But they were still cold.

“I don’t know what to do…” they said out loud, startling themselves as they heard their new voice for the first time. It had a timbre like no human, like a deep growl and a whistle tone combined to form a voice like bells ringing, but it was subtle enough not to sound other-worldly.

“Fur would be convenient…” they said, testing their voice again.

As they thought about this, they found themselves easily imagine what it would feel like to have fur, to be a wolf, like Zeev.

Seamlessly, as they focused on the feeling, their body shifted with it, until they found themselves on all fours, now a giant wolf.

They were larger ever so slightly than Zeev, but their fur was the same white, except on their face, where the black tattoos extended as black marking in their fur: wings around their still red eyes, and three lines coming down around their snout to their jaw. Not that they knew any of this. To them, this was a whole new experience, but something totally familiar at the same time. It was as natural as breathing. This shape felt as comfortable as the human one, after all this was just as much their skin, and now they were no longer cold.

_Can’t stay here… they know where to find me…_ they thought, looking around their tent, their belongings, as they realised they no longer needed this. All this hunting gear, all this clothing, was moot now. They could simply stay as a wolf, and have no care in the world.

They laughed, suddenly feeling glee, as they realised they were _free,_ free to live _their own_ life as they wished.

They poked their head out of the tent, seeing it was dawn; it had took all day and night to become. They sniffed the cold air, and immediately realised that a large group of people were making their way towards the tent. From the smell, it was clear that this group was hostile.

_Shit shit shit._ They scrambled out of the tent, smelling the air this way and that, listening, until they decided on a way that seemed the opposite to the direction of the oncoming attack.

_I knew it! I knew they would come!_

They tried to Tapp, to sense what the raid party was planning, but they found that they could not get their soul out past their own skin. As they ran the sense of freedom disappeared as they realised: they could no longer Tapp. They were trapped in their own body. This body was perhaps powerful, strong and adaptable, but non the less it was a prison.

They kept running through the trees, not thinking about where they were going, only on the fact that they had to get away. In their distraction, they completely missed the trap, and as it snapped shut on their back leg, they gave a loud howl of pain before thinking twice.

It was not long before the party caught up, and even through the pain they growled at the hunters, pretending to bite, trying to keep them away. But they were loosing blood fast, and it was harder and harder to keep their eyes open. As their instincts failed them, one of the hunters managed to sneak close enough to hit them across the head with their staff, and they fell down to the ground, unconscious.


	4. Trap

They woke up to pain, howling and crying as the burning in their left leg made them realise they were human-shape again.

“Shh.. please, don’t move, you’re only going to hurt yourself further.”

Someone pressed them down into a hard bed, and as they thrashed in panic they realised their hands were cuffed, each to one side. They forced their eyes open, and immediately froze.

“Mia.”

Ekene’s sister was looking down at them with a sad and angry expression that they knew very well. Her red eyes almost spitting fire, but she had very little Tapping tattoos around her eyes, unlike how Ekene’s face used to be, and she was wearing the blue headband symbolising a healer.

“What the fuck have you done to yourself Ekene?” Mia said quietly, looking up and down their body.

“Why… why are you here?” They were too scared to tell Mia that they weren’t Ekene… and they needed to know what she was doing here more. Were they taken home? but Ekene was banished, she would be killed… but they were going to be killed anyway, for being the abomination that they were.

“I married, this is my new home, why are _you_ here, Ekene? You were supposed to leave, to stay far away, to stay _alive._ ” Tears started to fill Mia’s eyes, and she turned away to care for their leg wound, making them cry of pain again.

They didn’t know what to say, it was all an accident… becoming themselves was an accident. Would Mia understand? She was one of the only people who supported Ekene’s banishment rather than execution. If Ekene trusted anyone, she would have trusted Mia.

“I’m… I’m not Ekene…” they said softly, half hoping that Mia wouldn’t hear, but she froze, and it was clear to them that she had.

“How dare you say that?” Mia’s face was above them again, more rage than ever before.

“Tapp me, see, I am not Ekene.” They said in desperation, in fear. They couldn’t think of how else to explain it other than simply letting Mia see inside.

Mia frowned, and took a breath, closing her eyes to do so, but a second later she opened them again, staring at them, this time in fear, not anger.

“I… I can’t.”

“What?”

“I can’t. I can sense you, you’re obviously alive, and have a soul… but… I can’t.” Mia looked them in the eyes.

“What are you?”

They swallowed, closing their eyes, “I don’t know…my soul, it’s half wolf, half human.”

“You really aren’t Ekene anymore, even though you have her face” Mia said quietly, and they opened their eyes again to see her expression. She was looking back at them, her eyes full of… grief. After all her sister was dead.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” they tried to reach out and touch Mia’s shoulder, but the cuff stopped them just a couple of inches short.

The rattle of the chains brought Mia back to the moment, and she shook her head, “what’s your name then? Since you’re not Ekene.”

“I… I don’t have one.” They never really thought about it until that moment, “I haven’t really… been me, very long.”

“Well,” Mia turned to their leg again, and held the leg firmly before picking ointment in her hand, “I guess I’m going to have to name you,” Mia put the ointment on the wound, and they howled in pain again, wriggling, almost coming away from Mia’s grip. Once she was done, she bandaged it, in a way that was so familiar it felt like Ekene’s childhood all over again.

“I’m going to call you Paz.” Mia said, her face visibly emotional, as she cupped their face and kissed their forehead.

They drew in a shaking breath, and closed their eyes, letting the tears roll down to the bed. _Paz_. It felt right, and it was Mia’s choice. No one better could have named them.

“Thank you,” Paz opened their eyes again, smiling weakly at their sister.

“You need to sleep,” Mia stood and walked to the door, “Rest well, Paz.” She said, then left, locking the door behind her, and Paz let themselves drift off into a shallow, restless sleep.

Paz woke up to the sound of shouting at the door.

“You can’t go in there! She’s not healed yet!” It was Mia’s voice.

“She? That monster is an IT, and you better move out of my way. You may be the healer here, but that creature in there deserves no healing. Everyone’s gathered in the square, all the Disysciane villages. And we can’t start until everyone can see it for themselves.” It was a booming male voice Paz didn’t recognise, but it was clear he was in charge.

“Just let me cover her up,” Mia begged now, and her voice made Paz’s chest ache. How did Mia still care? After everything…

The door was unlocked, and Mia stepped in, closing the door quickly behind her and locking it. She turned around to Paz, and their eyes locked. They both knew what this was, this was worse than Ekene’s trial; At least that was private. But this… this was practically a public execution.

_Such a short life…_ Paz thought, closing their eyes and imagining all the places they could have been, all the joy they could have had, being free to run… but of course, life was never that easy.

Without a word, Mia came over, and without a word took the blanket off Paz and slowly dressed them with a simple fabric dress that was open in the back, so she didn’t have to unchain their hands to dress them.

Then Paz noticed Mia was crying. “I’m sorry, I tried…”

“I’m sorry,” Paz was now crying too, “I’m sorry to put you through this again.”

“They said that you were a wolf when they caught you, that you changed shape once you were knocked out… if that’s true, can you… change into a wolf again? run away?”

“My leg is injured, I can’t run, even on three legs. And from the middle of town… They’ll simply shoot me.”

Mia nodded, finishing tying the dress. “Well… good luck, Paz.” She turned away, unlocked the door and opened it wide, then she walked away, not looking back.

Three men walked into the room, all of them obviously important and strong. They unlocked the chains from the bed, only to tie them to each other behind Paz’s back. They also chained their ankles to each other, sothat they could not even attempt to run. Paz wasn’t sure if the cuffs would stay if they changed shape, but they weren’t about to try and find out. Throughout the whole time, as the men shoved them about, they stayed silent, biting their tongue rather than letting themselves cry in pain. They didn’t fight back, they knew there was no point.

“Move, you filth,” the oldest man scorned, pushing Paz from behind, almost making them stumble. They recognised the voice as the man that argued with Mia at the door.

They were led from the room, through the rest of the little hospital, into the bright afternoon air. The air was full of sweat, and anger, Paz could smell it all, and the fear, as they were pushed through the street into the square. This was the biggest town they have ever seen, and the crowd was tight, people shouting things in their direction as they were pushed to the stage at the centre.

“Monster!” “Demon!” “Abomination!” “Filth!” “Atrocity!” “Animal!” “Whore!” “Witch!”

The swearing were never-ending, and they were so loud, that they almost made Paz’s ears ring, as they were pushed to their knees at the front of the stage, with two of the men holding their chains, standing at each of their sides.

The man who argued with Mia raised his hands, and slowly the crowd came to silence.

Paz looked around, and saw so many familiar faces looking back in disgust. Some people Ekene grew up with, or some she just knew in passing.

“Welcome everyone! I thank you for coming here at such a short notice, but as you can see, we have quite a situation on our hands.” The man, this leader, said in a clear, booming voice, and suddenly Paz knew exactly who he was. Kaine, the head minister. He was the man that blessed every summer and winter. This… this was probably the biggest gathering of this generation… all because of Paz.

A couple of people in the crowd swore again, but they were hushed quickly as people waited to hear Kaine.

“This… creature… was found some days ago by Don here,” he pointed at the young man to the side, and when Paz turned to see, they immediately recognised him as the young Tapper who found Ekene and Zeev, who saw their bond and was disgusted by it… He was the reason for Paz’s existence. If it weren’t for him calling Ekene a monster and running away, she wouldn’t have tried to break away, wouldn’t have pulled Zeev in.

Paz wanted to hate this man, but all they felt was… gratitude. Paz wanted to be alive, to exist, they didn’t want to go back to being Ekene and Zeev, even if it were possible.

“He found this woman, who he had sensed had gotten too close to a wolf.” Kaine continued, “He came to me that same day, and we went to find the woman who violated nature. But what we found was even worse. It seems that this Tapper has completely defiled herself, and has done something only satan himself knew possible.”

“This profanity before us is a human no more. We caught a wolf, and it woke up in a shape of a woman. It is a transgression of nature and the soul itself.”

Everyone was staring, shocked, in a moment of silence as they all gasped. Then the shouting started again, swear words and curses, saying Paz will go to hell. But again, Kaine raised his hands and everyone went quiet, “This is not all!” He shouted as the last of the crowd settled down, “I have since found out that this woman, Ekene from Rimcrehead, was already convicted of heresy and murder, and was banished to the frozen wastelands.”

Paz looked up again, just to see the faces of those who had banished Ekene, and of course, they were nodding, spitting at their direction, cursing them under their breath.

“This is to show you all that there is no room for mercy where true crimes against the soul are committed. If Ekene’s original crime was dealt with properly, then this abomination would not be here today.” Kaine stepped forward, and grabbed Paz by the hair, pulling them off the ground. They couldn’t help themselves but cry in pain, as they could not take the weight with their leg properly due to their injury. The act itself felt humiliating, degrading more than anything he had said, because he was treating Paz like a rabbit, like truly nothing more than an animal. Paz felt exposed, weak and vulnerable, and they knew they could say nothing to their defence. No one would listen.

Kaine then pressed his large extravagant knife against Paz’s throat, “This should be an example for you. Once someone is able to do such unspeakable things with their soul, they are only likely to keep going on defiling it.” He pressed the knife harder, and Paz groaned, biting their tongue, not wanting to seem weak as blood started to drip down their neck.

“Wait!” Someone shouted from far off, and the crowd shuffled to let someone through. It was a scrawny, pale man, with bright blue eyes like Paz had never seen before.

Kaine looked down at the man with almost as much disgust as he had on Paz. “Who might you be? Why do you think you can interrupt this? This is a Disysciane business, not Saerulian.”

So Paz was right, this strange man was not a SoulTapper like everyone else here.

“I’m Doctor Snyder. And since this is obviously a defiling of the soul like nothing we’ve seen before, then I think this is everyone’s business, not just yours.” The man had a thin smile on his face, like he was in control, even though he was off the stage, talking to a man obviously in control of the crowd.

Kaine moved the knife away from Paz’s throat, and they sighed in relief, though they were still hanging in mid air from their hair, and their leg was burning with pain.

“Regardless, it deserves to die, why do you ask me to wait?” Kaine said calmly.

“Well, like I said, this is something new. Horrific, yes, but new, and I want the opportunity to inspect it, before putting it down.” Snyder turned to the crowd, “for the safety of everyone, we should know how this happened so it could be avoided.”

“There is nothing to avoid, this is an anomaly, caused of sin and careless use of the soul.” Kaine was not pleased. He dropped Paz down, and they landed on their face, with nothing to stop their fall, they heard their nose break before they felt the pain, this time the shock was so high that it stopped them from complaining.

There was no point in trying to run, and even if they could change and get out of these shackles, they were too injured to get far, and this crowd was too dense. The only thing for their benefit was the fact that apparently they couldn’t be Tapped-which means no one could control their body except themselves. It was a sliver of hope they clang to, that if they die, they die being only themselves.

“If you give it to me, it is as good as dead.” Snyder continued, “I will only prolong its life a short while, and you will never see it again.”

“How are you intending to take them away? You’re weak, and clearly not a hunter, so what will you do if it turns itself to a wolf again, how will you protect yourself?” Said one of the men that were still holding the chains holding Paz, even though it was obvious they were not going anywhere.

Snyder grinned, and a shiver went down Paz’s back seeing his expression.

“I believe this discussion is better conducted in private.” Kaine interrupted with anger clear in his quiet voice, then he became louder again, saying “Thank you everyone for coming, please remember this lesson, keep yourself and your children safe. Let us pray that we never have to see such abominations again.”

The crowd started murmuring, many of them refusing to budge, expecting more of a show. A lot of them made sounds of displeasure at the fact that Paz was not killed there and then.

“Get up.” Kaine kicked Paz in the back, and they whined in pain, but they were promptly picked up from under their shoulders and made to walk again, back through the crowd, but this time to a different house, to Kaine’s temple.

Paz was basically dragged, half unconscious, into Kaine’s office, where they were thrown in the corner as Kaine, Dr. Snyder and the two guards shuffled in, and Kaine locked the door behind.

Everyone was silent as Kaine sat himself at his desk, maintaining the composure of power, but Snyder paid him no mind. Instead, the Saerulian walked to Paz, kneeling next to them, inspecting them and their wounds. Kaine resorted to loudly clearing his throat, but when even that didn’t get Snyder’s attention, he began the conversation across the room.

“Doctor Snyder, what exactly do you want with this creature? And how did you find out about it?”

Snyder finally turned away from Paz, standing up and went to sit in front of Kaine. Paz closed their eyes, and silently wished that Kaine would win this argument, even if it meant their death; the idea of being taken away and experimented on by this… strange doctor… it terrified them more than death.

“I was just passing by, I only arrived here this morning, on my way west. It was only a lucky coincidence I stumbled onto your gathering, though I must say it is the most impressive number of Disyscianes I have ever seen in one place.” He was still saying everything lightly, as a matter of fact, as if nothing was of any importance to him and he could just walk away at any moment. “and I agree with you, kind head minister, that this is indeed some horrific transformation of the soul. I simply find it fascinating, and wish to find out everything I can about this creature before it dies.”

Kaine frowned, “this monster should be put to death, not studied like a lab rat. By keeping it alive you support its existence. Would you support keeping a demon around just to study it?”

Snyder shrugged, “I believe if this exists, god created it, even if it was touched by the devil.Say… have you… looked inside its head? What does it look like? An animal? Or a man?”

Kaine shook his head, “I do not want to get any closer to that corrupted soul than I have to.”

“So it hasn’t Tapped you or anyone that was attacking it?” Snyder was on the edge of his seat, his eyes glimmering with glee at finding something new. It made Kaine nervous, this frantic stranger, he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“No… It did not try and teleport away either.” Kaine said slowly, looking from Snyder to Paz, then back to the doctor, “but you are distracting from the subject at hand.”

“Right, yes, of course, excuse my excitement.” Snyder waved a hand, “please, minister, just let me take it, I promise you I can assure they cause no harm, and once I have found out all I want to know, or most probably before that, it will die.”

“Why should I? Just for your scientific curiosity, which I do not endorse anyway? Why should I do you this favour?”

“I can pay you, if that’s what you wish…” Snyder suggested, leaning back.

Kaine scoffed, angry at the suggestion that they would take bribe.

“What is it you want then?” Snyder asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.

Kaine frowned and looked down at his hands, “there is perhaps something you could do for me that I can not do myself…” he paused, then looked up at the guards, “take it back to the hospital, let Mia heal it if she wants.”

The two men exchanged a look, curious why they were sent out, suspicious of what they were not allowed to know, but followed orders regardless. They pulled Paz up, who could barely keep conscious, and then let themselves fall into the darkness of sleep, just to escape the pain.

They woke up back on the same bed, their hands chained to it, with a new bandage, and some ointment on their corrected nose. But it wasn’t Mia sitting there in the dim light.

“Ah, finally,” Snyder sighed sweetly, “I didn’t want to wake you, you deserve some rest from all that beating.”

Paz stared back at him, suspicious. This sweetness was not genuine, they could feel that.

“So I assume you won the argument.” Paz said flatly.

“Of course I did, everyone has a price.” Snyder grinned, “and you are worth quite a lot.”

Paz had to look away, feeling dirty, aware that they were just bought like nothing more than cattle.

“Why so sad? I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to understand what you are…” He reached out and touched Paz’s face.

Paz gasped, as suddenly they could feel something hold their very being. It was as if they were enveloped in cold hard hands, their soul clutched within their own body. It was not like being Tapped, where there is another soul slipping around and into the body, or burrowing into the soul and ripping it apart. This didn’t hurt, but it was the worst feeling they had ever felt. They were _owned._ Their whole soul being held, everything they are controlled. Like a cold ghostly hand reached down their chest and gripped their heart, but worse, because it was not located anywhere, it was everywhere at once.

Snyder whistled, impressed, and as he stroked Paz’s face, they could feel a mental finger stroking their soul, and it made a quiet whimper escape their lips.

They were right, this stranger was bad news. This was already worse than death, because even as they tried to move, to squirm away, they found themselves motionless, unable to finish the beginning of a thought, as that invisible hand held them still and coerced their soul to stay put. Paz was no longer in control, but not just of their body, as if they were Tapped, but they had just lost control of their soul, they lost control of themselves.

“You are a big one… I can see why they struggle to Tapp you, there is barely any room left for anything in there,” Snyder mused, “and that healer was right, you are neither human nor animal… and the connection between your soul and your body, I have never seen anything like it!” He laughed, “oh how glad I am to stumble on to you.”

He let go of their face, and instantly they could feel the grip on their soul disappear like smoke. Paz drew a sharp shuddering breath, and quickly shied away from the man, trying to get as far away as they could. But their hand was still cuffed, and they didn’t get far.

Snyder sat back in his chair, sighing, “this is going to be more difficult since you don’t have a necklace… but we’ll make do.”

“What… what are you?” Paz whispered, their voice shaking.

“I’m just another Saerulian, an Ownarian if you will. Blue-Eyed. My magic is just like yours, only my race can do things yours can not. I cannot leave my body, or teleport like Tappers can, but I can hold another soul, completely, and control it, like I did just then. We can do many other things with that basis, but that doesn’t matter now.” Snyder shook his head, then reached out again and gripped Paz’s wrist. Again they could instantly feel his grip again, “All that matters is that you obey me, because you have to.” His words permeated Paz’s soul, they could feel them, almost see them, as they sank through his grip and into their soul. “And because if you don’t, I can kill you in an instant.” Still holding Paz’s wrist firmly with his left hand, he raised his right one, and Paz could see a small blade, almost like a scalpel, of blue shimmering light, form in his hand.

Without a word, he brought down his soul blade, and with a feather-light touch he cut a small x just under Paz’s right collarbone. His tight grip stopped them from moving, or making a sound, but he could sense the pain they were feeling as he cut just the surface of their soul.

He let the weapon disappear, but kept hold of Paz, trying hard to keep their soul from tearing further. He just wanted to scare them, brand them, not kill them. But using soul blades was always a dangerous business if you weren’t careful. When he was sure that Paz’s soul was stable, and that they were not going to do anything dangerous in retaliation, he let go, and proceeded to unlock their chains.

Paz was breathing shallow, staring straight up, eyes wide, laying very still. They didn’t even notice that Snyder unchained them, the shock meant they could think of nothing at all. The cut on their skin burnt, but not because their skin was actually cut. Physically, all that was left was a small blue x, like a bruise under the skin, except the colour was too vibrant, too far away from the usual purple colour of bruises. But their very soul was cut, like a section of their consciousness was torn, and now there lay a horrible gap where once they felt whole. It wasn’t bleeding, Snyder made sure of that, but it was raw, like a scab, and when they thought of it, it only hurt more. The mental hurt was so extreme it made their physical pain seem like a graze in comparison.

“You’re mine now, you hear? Even when I don’t hold your soul, you’re always mine, let that remind you” Snyder tapped the mark left on Paz’s skin, and his touch made them shudder and squirm away, curl up to a ball with their back to him as they hugged themselves, wishing that by physically holding their chest they could make the tear in their soul go away.

Snyder sighed, “Come on, we should leave, before they come and try to kill you again.” He stood up, but when Paz didn’t respond, he groaned, grabbed their shoulder and pulled them off the bed, as they scrambled to stand up as he pushed on their soul to obey and follow.

He didn’t let go of their wrist, just pulled them along as they hobbled behind him, silent and stunned, as he led them away.


	5. Your New Home

Doctor Trevor Snyder was not a doctor in the usual sense. He was never much good at healing or surgery, instead, he had acquired a doctorate in Biological Chemistry of Soul Sciences. Specifically, he had spent most of his adult life researching animal souls, and their difference from human ones. No one was born with a necklace, it was a ceremony to bind the soul to a charm that was usually done as a ceremony of puberty, at age 13. It was done in Saerulian tradition for all living memory, but Trevor was the first one who had successfully had done it to an animal. A mammal, in particular, his own dog. In his research he had found that the nature of the soul did not just depend on the species or genus, but it depended on the environment in which the individual grew as well, and specifically the magic it was exposed to. He theorised therefore, that the difference between Saerulians, Disyscianes, and Hurlu was in fact not as big a difference as previously thought; yes it was genetic, but perhaps over enough generations it could be altered. After all Inanis appeared in all bloodlines.

But he was quickly branded as a fanatic, particularly by the church itself, and his research as animal cruelty, so he was disgraced, and then shunned from the scientific community. If it wasn’t for his heritage, he would have been homeless long ago. So he moved out of town, found a piece of land, and built a new home there, where he could continue his research in private. Trevor never did his research for fame, it was always because of personal curiosity.

And now… he had won the lottery of fate, hitting the jackpot; he had accidentally found the only specimen of something he had only theorised: an example that animal and human souls were not too far apart, and in fact close enough that they could fuse.

Soul fusing was a taboo phenomenon, but documented enough that he had heard of it before. It usually only happened when two souls were tied or handled by a Saerulian, and something went very wrong.

Once he finally arrived back home, dragging this specimen all the way across the ocean, he brought up every text that ever mentioned it happening, and found only two cases where the subject survived, and in neither of them did they physically fuse.

Trevor decided then that this… this was too important not to document properly, not to publish. Even if he were jailed or hanged for it, he will see it through.

“Welcome to your new home.” Snyder declared as he opened the door to his house. It was built of so many glass windows and stone it made Paz’s head swim. During the journey she was forced to stay human, but at least she was allowed to pretend to be more than cargo. The whole time Snyder was friendly and charming, as if the second there were other people around he put a mask on. Paz considered running away the second she saw the ocean, and realised where they were heading. Snyder’s commands lost effect some time after he let go of her each time, but he kept her within reach, and reinforced them so often that almost as soon as Paz thought of turning or running, he would hold her soul and wipe those thoughts away as if they never existed, only remaining a memory, like a sour taste in her mouth.

Now they were alone, in this giant, strange house, so Paz prepared herself to face whatever true intensions Snyder had.

“Shall I give you a tour? Or you just want the bathroom?” Snyder put his bag down, and ruffled through his pile of letters, only paying her only half a mind. But she guessed he was only this calm because he locked the door after they walked in, and he kept the keys in his pocket.

“I…” she looked around, picking at her clothes; he bought them for her at the docks, and they did not fit her well. Also it felt somehow… wrong, to be so long in one shape, she just wanted to feel her fur again, but the feeling didn’t fit, in this civilised mansion. Paz had never seen a house like this, the closest thing were the hospitals and schools in the larger towns around the forest, but this… as a private house… If he was this rich no wonder he could just take her away.

“Right, I’ll show you how the shower works.” Snyder led Paz down the corridor to the room at the end, which was a sizeable room, with a bath at the right side, a sink in the middle of the opposite wall to the door, and a toilet next to it. As if it was nothing expensive at all, Snyder showed Paz how to have a shower or a bath, then he left, though he locked the door behind him.

“I’ll get you some clean clothes, then I’ll take you to the tailor’s tomorrow.” He said before he closed the door.

Paz stood there, staring at the door for a while, then hesitantly, she undressed. She followed what Snyder showed her, then stared at the bath as it filled up.

Once she sat in the water, she found herself sighing in relief at the warm calm water. Paz swished the water around, giggling. She’s never been in a bath before, not like this, all warm, and private. She lay back, until she was submerged up to her neck, then let her eyes clothes. She’s been sleeping so badly on the boat, seasick often, that it was unsurprising that she fell asleep in the bath.

Later, after Snyder woke her up by knocking on the door, he left her some clean clothes near the door. Then when she walked out, he led her to the room closest to the bathroom, which had a double bed, which to Paz seemed immense.

“This is going to be your room, where you sleep and keep your things.” Seeming nonchalant, he placed his hand on her shoulder, but as his grip wrapped her soul she knew it wasn’t just a kind gesture. “You can go anywhere in the house, but not leave it, and do _not_ destroy anything.” He re-enforced his commands with his soul, binding the words into her in a way that made her not even able to think of disobeying as long as he held her, and for some time after. “If you try and leave, you will get lost, and people here do not treat Disyscianes nicely. And if you try to leave as a wolf, you will be shot and killed, so trust me that you do not want to try to run away.”

He let her go, “rest up, we’ll start proper in the morning.” He said and turned to leave, then paused, “oh, and you can call me Trevor.” He left, closing the door behind. Paz didn’t know what he meant by start, but she didn’t like the sound of it. She was suspicious of his calmness, of his kindness, and she still felt trapped, even if the conditions seemed good.

She looked out the window, wishing she was out there in the grass, running at full speed on all fours.

As she climbed onto the bed, Paz morphed into her wolf form seamlessly. She walked in a circle around on the mattress, then curled up in the middle of it, tucked her nose on top of her tail, and fell asleep quickly.

Trevor woke Paz when he walked into her room in the morning, exclaiming in surprise to see the gigantic wolf on the bed. He had never actually seen her as a wolf before, so true fear grabbed his heart as he stayed at the doorway, all his instincts telling him to run. Then she opened her eyes, and stared at him sleepily. When he saw they were the same as when she was human, and the markings on her fur, his fear melted into excitement.

“So this is what you are,” Trevor said slowly, walking in, one hand stretched out, “come now, change your form so we can speak.”

But Paz was not stupid. She saw him now, as a human, so small and delicate next to her sharp teeth, and she did not want to do as she was told; not by him. His magic had dissolved overnight, and she knew she could not let him touch her, or her mind will not belong to her again. She hated that feeling, of being held, it was worse than being contained inside her own body, suffocating. So she bared her teeth and growled at him, standing up on all fours on the bed, so that she was actually taller than him, and ready to pounce.

Trevor froze, his body yelling at him to run, but he saw that defiant look in her ruby eyes, and he knew that if he let her win now, if he let her know how scary she really was, he would never be able to get control of her again… and he _needed_ to control her, because he needed to study her. Nothing had ever been so clear in his life. So he steadied himself, and stood up tall, but relaxed.

“This is no way to behave,” Trevor focused his thoughts, and manifested his soul blade, again the little accurate scalpel, “do I need to remind you how this feels?” He raised his hand that held the blade next to his face, looked at it, then back at her.

As he looked to her again, Paz could feel the little x mark on her soul burn, just under her collarbone. It has been almost a month since it was made, and she had began to be able to ignore the scar, but seeing the blade that made it, so close to her, with such intent in his eyes. Paz knew that with as small a movement as a flick of a brush, he could tear her soul in half, and it won’t feel like being separated, when Ekene tried to tear Zeev away… no, this would be so much worse. She contemplated attacking him, ripping his throat out, but by getting any closer she was risking being hurt… she might be able to kill him, but she’ll be killed too in the process… or worse.

Terrified, defeated, Paz tucked her tail between her legs, and he ears close to her head, as she let her head drop low, and looked up at him apologetically, begging him not to hurt her.

Trevor grinned, and the soul blade evaporated, “good girl.” He said, then rested his hand, where the blade was a second ago, on her head, between her ears. To an outsider it would have looked gentle, as if he was petting her, reassuringly, but in reality he gripped her fur quite hard, making her whine in pain as he pulled her head up just a little, while he leaned down simultaneously, to make sure they were looking eye to eye. His blue eyes were shining with anger, but were also so calm compared to her’s raging red.

“Dont. ever. Threaten. me. again.” He said, every word emphasised, slow. He didn’t even hold her soul then, but instead he just treated her like he used to train his dog, if they do something bad, they get punished. But this wasn’t just a dog… Trevor was aware that this beast could rip his head clear off with one bite, that physically he had no chance against it. Better not to take any chances.

“You understand?” He said as he grabbed Paz’s soul, making sure she felt his grip, tightening it until he could see her pupils dilate in pain and panic, then he forced his will on hers, something he was way too familiar with.

That was the difference between Tapping and Owning. A SoulTapper could possess from anywhere, and rip someone apart from the inside out, they could read the thoughts of the souls they touched, but not affect them, once a Tapper left a body, the soul would know exactly what happened, remember every second of it. Unlike that, Ownarians like Trevor could never know the thoughts or feelings of who they owned, not in a supernatural way anyway, but they could possess their mind with their own, and with enough practice, they could make the souls they touch not even be aware of what is happening, as they influenced their decisions, they feelings, even their memories. The two powers were quite close in fact, which Trevor had highlighted in a paper of his. The same paper that got him branded as a heretic. After all, Disyscianes were practically demons, being able to possess and teleport, whereas Saerulians were angles, being able to connect souls in marriage. Secretly, Trevor hoped one day possession would be a crime regardless of who did it, regardless of what kind. But this was research, and so no moral code would stop him, especially not when dealing with an animal.

Still in pain, Paz was horribly aware as her thoughts were pushed around. Where suddenly she could only think about the fact that he was her _owner_ , that he was to be always obeyed, where a second ago she was thinking about how he won this fight, now he was making her thoughts of fighting disappear like they never existed.

“Now, change back like I told you.” Trevor stood up, he realised as he said it that she will be naked, which wasn’t something he was planning, but he forced his face to remain neutral, and kept a grip on her hair as she obeyed. For her, this seemed like humiliation on purpose, but she had no choice, his words were law. So she changed, her legs and arms first, then her body, then her head at last.

Paz was on her hands and knees, stark naked, her hair still gripped to the point of pain, and when she lifted her gaze she was met with his groin.

Tears streamed down her face, she had never felt this humiliated and weak. Even when they were displayed to a whole crowd as a witch, they didn’t feel this debased.

Satisfied, he pushed her away, letting go of her as he walked out, and without looking over his shoulder he said “get dressed, and come to the kitchen to eat breakfast after you brush your teeth.”

He had spent the whole morning interrogating her, making her recount how her existence came into being, every detail of it.

“So, how long do you say the wolf and human souls were connected before they fused?”

“Uh… We were in contact before the winter started… but we were bound… from just after the long night started, I think… just a little, but it grew over time. I think we were inseparable from late-mid winter, that’s when I remember we couldn’t go far anymore, while we were still on the ice, but always together, always hunting together… no need to separate, so we didn’t… so Ekene didn’t notice… it felt so natural…” Paz’s eyes were close as she was working hard to remember, her memories blurred by the duplicity.

“You said you fused because the Tapper pulled the wolf soul into her body, why?”

“I told you,” Paz opened her eyes, centred by a memory that was clearer, “she tried to cut the souls apart, except she didn’t have a blade like yours, and it… it hurt too much.”

“It hurt to separate?” Trevor made notes excitedly, “but not to fuse?”

“No, it did hurt, in a way… not the same way. Like, a burn hurts, but not breathing hurts too. Trying to separate… it hurt like…” Paz groaned in frustration, “This would be so much easier if I could just show!” She looked down to her hands, as they were shaking, “but I can’t… I can’t feel outside of myself anymore.” She closed her eyes again, then quietly, added, “I guess I miss not being alone in my head anymore.” It was a strange, and almost guilty realisation, because Ekene was supposed to feel bad for Tapping so much, and especially for maintaining such a constant connection with something. But Paz, maybe because of Zeev, didn’t have such moral restrictions. In her mind, if something felt right, then it was so, or else why would it feel that way. So she could remember the sensation of being so close to someone, as Zeev and Ekene’s company, and her heart ached for her past selves, as if she mourned them, because even though she was technically both Zeev and Ekene, she was neither. Even though she loved herself, being her own soul, she could never enjoy her own company like she did over the winter, and it made her feel… homesick.

She looked up, to Trevor, for the first time actually seeking him, “I’m never going to be able to separate, am I? Even with your knife. I’m always going to be… this.” It was the closest she had ever felt to self loathing.

Trevor shook his head, “I don’t know, but even if there was a chance that it would work, I wouldn’t risk it. Your soul, it feels whole to me, one piece, not two. And I have touched bound souls, you have undergone a change much more intense than that… even altered your body. I doubt you would be able to reverse it.”

She nodded solemnly, and tried to swallow, but instead, found herself burst into harsh ugly sobs.

Trevor shifted in his seat, uncomfortable and unsure what to do. So he just kept making notes, waiting for her to calm down.

In the afternoon, he took her into town to buy clothes, since so far she was wearing some of his. He found a woollen hat and made sure to hide her hair and ears, and reenforced in her mind quite harshly that she could not run away, that she had to stay close to him, and keep quiet, follow orders.

As they arrived into the city centre, she was practically clinging to his arm. Everything was so loud, and they were more people there than she had ever seen, walking about, doing their own thing. Her senses were more sensitive, more acute, than possible for a human, and the smell alone made her feel dizzy. Paz remembered the docks being bad, but at least there the smell was overwhelmingly of the sea and of fish, but here it was unfamiliar, industrial, coal and smoke and sewage.

“Stop acting strange, you’re making people stare,” Trevor hissed quietly, “pretend you belong,” he added.

“I can’t… I feel sick…” she was about to lift her hand to block her nose, but he grabbed her hand, then grabbed her soul. While still walking, he forced her to think that the smell was bearable, to ignore the sounds, and to walk like she saw other women walking. Like a blanket put over her head, she felt the sounds fade away, and the smell become nothing more than a little annoying. She straightened her back, lifted her head, and suddenly walked confidently by his side.

He stared at her for a second, amazed at her beauty and grace, but mostly how… effective that was. He was getting better at manipulating her mind, and it gave him a rush.

They went to the tailors, where she was measured politely. Paz felt awkward, standing there naked, as this woman put the cold tape measure around her body. Trevor had explained to Miss Bennett that Paz had just arrived in the country, and so she assumed that was the reason for Paz’s strange looks, though it wasn’t the first time she had met a Disysciane of course, so she was a little confused about Paz’s markings, but she was too polite to say anything about it. Miss Bennett was Inanis after all, Grey-Eyed, with no powers of her own, and most of all, she knew better than to be rude to a wealthy gentleman.

Before long, Miss Bennett had supplied Paz with five outfits of undergarments, a lot of underwear, a regular corset, and a simple cotton dress that she could just about make fit.

“I’m sorry Dr. Snyder, but miss Paz here is of quite unusual measurements, I have nothing in stock that is suitable. If you leave me your address I shall make some and post them to you. How many do you want to order?”

“Three would do, and she doesn’t need anything fancy, she needs to be able to move. If you could also please tailor her some riding clothes as well, a couple of shirts and trousers, that would be good.” Trevor always got his suits here, so he trusted Miss Bennett with her skill, and he hoped for her discretion.

“Of course, shall I send it all at once, or as soon as they are ready?” Miss Bennett was writing the order down, and calculating the price.

“As soon as possible,” Trevor nodded, then wrote a check.


End file.
